BE YOUR OWN KING - Interview with Hyunjae

Photobook Interview with Hyunjae 

 

 

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‘Make Your Own Questions’.

(For this segment, the members came up with the questions they wanted to ask themselves)

 

 

When it comes to ‘The Boyz’, do you think of ‘Hyunjae’?

 

Hyunjae: “The reason for me asking this question (to myself) is also because when people think of the group, The Boyz, I wish for them to think of me as well. Even so, I didn’t make this question while timidly thinking that I wouldn’t be thought of at all. But I can’t assure that my existence itself has enough impact. As our activities go on and repeat for a long time, at some point, the image I show will also become repetitive, and it may feel like it’s just (always) the same. ‘Is there anything that’s still new within me?’ ‘Am I leaving an impression that is impactful enough?’ ‘Am I doing my part well as The Boyz’s Hyunjae?’ Seeing as I keep asking myself these questions, I also came to wonder if people would also think of me (when they think of The Boyz).

 

Of course, since we are a performance group, people may naturally think of the main dancers, but I think that even someone who is not a main dancer can also play a role that has more than enough presence. I wish for every member to each to leave a colorful impression. Starting with myself, I want to do just that. I wondered about what is needed in order to leave an impression like that, but it’s difficult. I think I have to make a character that can immediately come to mind when someone says, ‘Hyunjae’. Either way, I think that the stage is the place where I can leave the biggest impression in my life. So I think I need to show (myself) through performances, but as expected, it’s a difficult problem.”

 

 

Even so, I gave it a thought.

 

Hyunjae: “Even if I sing just a short part onstage, I should do a memorable gesture or facial expression. At the moment, I’m not satisfied with myself. I wondered about what I can do by myself, and I’ve talked about this with the members before as well. This is what we’ve talked about together. Including myself, we thought that the members in general were paying too much attention to trying to look handsome onstage. When it comes to myself in particular, I calculate too many things and think too much onstage. My face, the angles – while considering all of these things during every moment, I feel like I wasn’t able to fully express the song well, and there were limits to showing 100% of the concept. I could feel I was calculating things, so even I thought my image (onstage) didn’t look fun.

 

As a result, I think I haven’t been able to create many stages that have left a big impact. I think that ‘impact’ is when you can let go of your thoughts and perform in a bold way. But I’m particularly conservative in that area. Now, I’m going to try to practice letting myself go. I have to show an image of myself that is more immersed in singing and performing. It may look somewhat ugly and broken, but I think that I have to experience this process in order to grow more. Strangely, I don’t have hesitations when it comes to my words and actions while filming variety shows, but I have a fixed idea/stereotype about having to look cool and handsome onstage. I want to break that stereotype a bit.”

 

 

Why am I unable to express things well?

 

Hyunjae: “Whenever I express something, there are many times when I can’t express myself because of my embarrassed (?) feelings. For example, when the members are working hard to practice and another member does something that can be a good example for the others, it’s a situation where we could say a compliment or a good word to them, but I’m not good at that. After living with each other for a long time and seeing each other every day for that timespan, those kinds of expressions have become dull, and not expressing them when there is no need has become an implicit habit. It’s like how (some) people can’t bring themselves to say ‘I love you’ to their parents! I feel that I need to express my feelings outwardly, without being embarrassed of them.”

 

 

Am I satisfied?

 

Hyunjae: “Satisfaction. Honestly, I’m the type to not feel much satisfaction towards myself. While living as a group for a long time, there were times when I felt satisfied as a member of the team in regards to our results. But when thinking about it, I don’t think I’ve felt satisfaction individually as Lee Jaehyun, rather than as The Boyz’s Hyunjae. It’s the same when I think about my individual abilities. ‘Can I do well on my own as well?’ ‘Will I be able to pull off a song by myself?’ Even just looking at these doubts I have, I think it’s a situation where I am dissatisfied with myself. In the future, I want to set standards with which I can become satisfied with myself, and I want to find ways to achieve each of those, one by one.”

 

 

Am I still suffering due to my honesty?

 

(*in reference to his previous Generation Z interview)

 

Hyunjae: “My honesty is still constant. And I still suffer because of it. But nowadays, I’ve been wondering about how to express that honesty. When I say my honest opinion and it results in me suffering a loss, it’s usually a situation where the other side has a differing opinion from me. In those times, I think I often didn’t really consider the other side’s position and thoughts. That person must have also thought a lot before saying those things. I’m pondering over methods on how to speak and express my honesty so that neither side feels upset, and so that we can exchange good energy”.

 

 

Something I can’t go/live without?

 

Hyunjae: “This might seem like an obvious response, so I also tried to come up with a different one, but this is what is true to me. It’s The Boyz and Deobi. This isn’t pretense. When I think about it, those two are really everything to me. During my twenties, and when I was most within my youth - when the me of right now looks back at myself, this is all that remains with me (in memory) and all that I have.

 

On the other hand, something that I feel I need and am lacking in is ‘effort’. When I was young, it was easy to fulfill any standards I decided for myself, even without any big efforts. Whether it was sports, games, or having amicable relationships with friends. But as I grew older, I came to realize that in whatever field, you really can’t achieve good results without a lot of effort. Effort is something anyone can do, so it’s only when you try to do even better that you can receive good results. I’m not someone in particular that is outstanding at anything, so I can’t exist without effort.

 

I’m going to work hard so that it’s not just The Boyz’s Hyunjae, but also the person known as Lee Jaehyun that can become more complete”.

 

 

Who/what do I ultimately want to become?

 

Hyunjae: “Whatever I become, I want to be a person that won’t later regret what I do. Also, I’d like for there to be many existences (people) that I can believe in, and who also believe in me”.

 

 

 

What will I be like in one year?

 

Hyunjae: “I think I definitely will have improved. But after a year, I think I will still be unsatisfied (with myself) and that I will still continue to work hard to grow. I hope I will be like that. I want myself within The Boyz to not ever feel a final sense of satisfaction, and to instead always be racing forward towards something (a goal)”.

 

 

 

 

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(translated by @dearhyunjaes)

transcription cr. @ SAVE_HJ

picture scans by @ whxup

Please take out with credits.

 

https://twitter.com/dearhyunjaes/status/1409803604861460488

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